Surviving a Narcissistic Mother: Reclaiming My Divine Feminine Energy
Photo by Alesia Kazantceva on Unsplash
Children who experience maternal narcissism develop hidden psychological wounds that influence their self-perception, relational interactions, and world navigation. Because my mother failed to provide proper nurturing and protection and did not love me as I deserved, I found myself in survival mode since early childhood. I learned to rely on myself entirely while always preparing for the subsequent letdown or broken promise that forced me to handle situations alone.
The reality is that I deeply desired a closer connection with her. Despite the neglect, the substance abuse, and the court orders to stay away, I still wanted my mother. Like many daughters of narcissistic mothers, I learned to reward bad behavior with my time, my energy, and my hope. I gave her mother-daughter outings, invited her into memorable moments, and made space for her where she had never made space for me.
And still, she never showed up for me.
The Impact of Maternal Neglect on the Divine Feminine
A mother’s love is supposed to be the foundation upon which a daughter builds her sense of self. When that love is absent, conditional, or laced with resentment, it creates a deep wound that many of us spend a lifetime trying to heal.
Instead of being nurtured, I was neglected. Instead of being loved, I was blamed. Instead of being protected, I was abandoned in unsafe environments. I had to beg my mother to be present, to show up for moments that should have been instinctual for her as a parent.
But she always had an excuse. “You know I’m f*cked up,” she told me.
That moment was the breaking point. I had spent my whole life giving the grace she never earned, but as a mother, I now saw things differently. I refused to let her repeat this cycle of abandonment and entitlement as a grandmother. If she was too ‘f*cked up’ to be there for me, then she could remain out of our lives.
How Narcissistic Mothers Force Their Daughters into Masculine Energy
When a mother fails to provide emotional security, a daughter learns to create it herself. I became self-sufficient because I had to be. I learned not to need, ask, or rely on anyone because relying on my mother meant being let down.
This survival-based masculine energy is something I carried into adulthood:
Always being the strong one
Never feeling safe enough to be soft
Constantly providing for others, even when it drained me
Believing love had to be earned, not simply received
I didn’t realize how much of my Divine Feminine energy had been suppressed until I became a mother myself. It wasn’t until I held my own children in my arms, gave them the love I never received, and allowed myself to rest in the safety I had created that I began to heal.
Breaking the Generational Cycle: Choosing to Heal
Many of us were raised on the old belief that “You only get one mother.” No matter what she does, you must keep her in your life. But I challenge that mindset. You don’t gain anything by allowing a toxic mother to keep hurting you—only more trauma.
My mother is a victim of this same cycle. Her mother failed her, and instead of breaking free, she became the very thing that wounded her. But I refuse to pass this trauma down to my children.
Healing my mother's wound is an ongoing journey. It’s a process of re-learning what love should feel like, allowing myself to be soft, and reclaiming the Divine Feminine energy buried beneath years of neglect and survival.
I share this because I know I’m not alone. Many women are still trapped in toxic mother-daughter dynamics, unable to walk away from a mother who never truly mothered them. If that’s you, know this:
You are not wrong for choosing yourself.
You do not owe loyalty to someone who only brings pain.
You have permission to heal, even if it means walking away.
The Path to Healing the Divine Feminine
Healing from a narcissistic mother means reclaiming everything she tried to take:
Your right to feel safe in your softness
Your ability to trust yourself and others
Your power to create, love, and exist without survival mode
Your freedom from guilt and obligation
I have spent years undoing the damage, knowing this healing journey will last a lifetime. But every day, I choose peace over pain and standing self-love over generational wounds. And I choose to stand as a woman, a wife, and a mother who refuses to pass this pain on to the next generation.
You have that choice, too.
